True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
