there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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