I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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