last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
