Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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