There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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