well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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