in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
