I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
