Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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