I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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