Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
pop tarts are not kleenex
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
