my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
