man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
