i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
