dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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