watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
