I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
