Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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