One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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