If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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