dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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