first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
