Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
