Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
