I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
