I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
