for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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