I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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