im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
