Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
