Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
