if you like me you must not know who I am
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
