He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
