Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
