it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
