Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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