"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
