Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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