it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
