im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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