wakey wakey hands off snakey
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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