I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
