in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
