fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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