dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
