got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
