I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
