my vag is so smooth its legendary
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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