Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
