he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
