I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
