I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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