Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
