I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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