so explain again why im purple
no
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
