3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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