Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
