you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
