I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
